and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
