return my video game
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
