Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
