dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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