Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
