I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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