Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
