apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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