Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
