i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Drunk is not a location!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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