You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
