Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
