I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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