He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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