Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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