Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
