If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
