whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
