We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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