My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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