I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
