I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
