Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
