At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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