I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
