if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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