No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
