i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
