my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
