Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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