When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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