Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my phone needs a breathalizer
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
