i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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