Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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