I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
