brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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