i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
