it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
splinters make it hard to masturbate
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
