Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
