There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
