Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
