I need to stop coming to work sober
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just want nice things and good sex
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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