He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
