You can't motorboat a personality
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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