the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
