those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
pray to the hookup gods
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
