Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
