Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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