two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
