Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
