He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
